Saying "I love You"

I have this distinct memory of myself before I became a Christian, that I could hardly bring myself to say the word "love", or "I love you", or even "God". It felt pretty difficult, but I didn't understand why. I had this perception that "love is sacred" and "God is Holy"... and hence these words shouldn't be simply said. After all, you need to say "I love you" and really mean it.

I remember reading love stories and novels, thinking, what's love? What's love that it's so captivating, so alluring and passionate? Can we live without it? Why are some people willing to die for it? the so-called "in the name of love"...?

I could not understand it, but I knew I longed for it. I longed to be loved, to be held in the arms of the someone special, to be romanced. To me, love was the exclusive romantic feeling between man and woman, fairytale stories like Cinderella and Snow White... Gives you the dream-like, fantasy idea right?

When I was form 5, my friend invited me for an Easter Outreach at her church. After the night's performance, it was followed by the preaching.

The preacher talked about how Jesus suffered on Good Friday and was nailed on the cross, that because God so loved the world He gave Jesus to die so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Somehow, I sat there listening to him and I started crying. I didn't know why I was crying, but the tears just kept flowing. And when the preacher asked those who want to receive Jesus to raise their hands, I was among the few who did so. After that, my friend went with me to respond to a prayer. I was still crying and I didn't know what to do. The preacher asked if I could feel God loving me, but I said No. He asked me again if I could feel the people that God had placed around me are loving me, but I just fell silent and kept crying, because I didn't know how to answer him.

Finally, I didn't accept Christ that night. But from then on, I knew that Jesus died for me. I didn't understand why He did that, or why it was significant. I just knew that He had suffered death. Yet if you asked me whether God loves me, I would say no. This was because I had felt so much rejection from friends and family that I thought there was no way God would love me. I felt that I was too unworthy to be loved by God.

Fast forward to my first year in KL, I was again invited to church for Sunday Praise Celebration. I felt awkward singing songs with the words "love", "I love you, Lord", "God" and so on. It didn't feel right to me. But as I learned more about the gospel and how Jesus died and resurrected to give me new life, I began to see that God wanted to love me.

In another meeting at church, the Lord touched me again and I was once more down in tears. That night, a friend led me to pray the sinners' prayer and I received Jesus Christ into my life as my personal Saviour and Lord. I could truly feel God's love touching me deep in my heart, and I knew that it was love in its deepest and highest and greatest form.

Now, I have no problem saying the words "love" and "I love you", because I know that I have received love into my heart. I can even tell my family and friends that I love them. But above all, God, I love You.

Verse to Remember:

John 3:16 -- For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.